Growing up together, apart

There's something a little surreal about watching someone grow up. There are the obvious changes from old photos and questionable childhood haircuts, but what confuses me is the…

There's something a little surreal about watching someone grow up. There are the obvious changes from old photos and questionable childhood haircuts, but what confuses me is the subtle, quieter change. One day you realize the person you've known for as long as you can remember is becoming someone you're still getting to know. I've known Saira for so long that I can't say when our friendship started.

We met at our local mosque, which for much of our childhoods felt like an extension of our social lives. Endless Ramadan programs, weekend gatherings and lazy afternoons at each other's houses made it impossible to not form a strong bond from the start. We made friendship bracelets at youth events, tied with varying levels of skill depending on our age, and talked about random things that took up our whole afternoon. We never made plans weeks ahead. We didn't need to.

If I couldn't get a ride to her house, I knew I'd see her within a few days at the next community event. At that age, you don't think about how friendships work, if you're getting closer or drifting apart, if you're both putting in the same effort or if you'll still be talking in ten years. Saira was just there. And when you're a kid, it's easy to assume that whatever is always around will never change. Things look pretty different now.

I'm a sophomore in college in Baltimore, and she's finishing her senior year of high school back in New Jersey. Our friendship lives in text messages, quick Snapchat photos and short visits squeezed into academic breaks. We don't talk every day, but when we do, we send each other small pieces of our days. That could be something funny that happened on the walk to class, or a photo with no context that would confuse anyone else but makes perfect sense to us.

It's a different kind of closeness than what we had growing up. Back then we shared things because we happened to be in the same room, but things are different when proximity no longer exists to force conversation. Lately I've been helping her with her college applications, which is a funny spot to be in. Not long ago I was the one spiraling over my personal statement and venting to her about deadlines.